I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
