you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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