Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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