Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
