3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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