got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
