He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
