genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
