I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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