Kareoke will never be a sober sport
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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