a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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