I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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