i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
