therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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