Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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