She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
