We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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