Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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