You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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