ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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