he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
