doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
