the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
