Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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