if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
