just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
