i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
