season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How external is "for external use only"?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
