the new term for farting is butt boxing.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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