South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just want nice things and good sex
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
