so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
