i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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