I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
