you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
