I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
