we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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