Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
