I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
