it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
