You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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