Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
