Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
