DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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