i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
