All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
