Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
