I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
