It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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