No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
