I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
